Is it me, is it them or is it both? Is this process helpful or harmful?

My mum had sowed some sunflower seeds into small containers, which as they grew became stunted as they didn't go into larger pots. I grew some sunflowers from seeds in 4 large pots, that as I cared for them developed into healthy tall stems and are just about to open. I thought for Christmas seeing as mum hadn't had a chance to repot hers I would gift her one of my established pots to enjoy. So I put the pot in the back of my car and off to mum's I drove.

Enter Brittany, my sister who lives with our parents, 35yrs of age, a handful and always on the look out for compliments.

I told mum I had a gift for her and showed her the sunflowers and she said she loved them.

My dad and my sister joined us and then said "come have a look at how big the lemons are". We then went down the back, along the way we stopped by some agapanthus and they said "look at how big the flowers are, that's because Brittany cut them back and now they have shot up, well done Brittany". Then we walked over to the lemon tree, which is located in an area that a 2mtr tiger snake inhabits at the back of the business I alone run and they profit from a percentage. "Look at the size of those lemons and how many there are, that's because Brittany cut them back in Winter, well done Brittany" – Brittany also didn't clean up after herself, I had to collect and burn the trimmings of both the agapanthus and the lemon tree.

The moral of the story is… I'm not quite sure but it gets me down from time to time. Whether it's cooking, gardening, working (there isn't a need for comparison there as I work and she holidays) – there is a habit of always complementing Brittany. It isn't enough for anybody else to have a moment in the sun without Brittany being dragged out to get hers.

I didn't even give the sunflowers for a compliment in the first place, I gave them so mum could enjoy them but I repeatedly get sucked in to these comparison/compensation scenarios – which I do my best to distance myself from most of the time honestly and it has effected my relationship with my parents and I as Brittany is always the third wheel.

So that's why I put it to you to kindly consider:

Is it me, it it them or is it both? And is remembering situations like this helpful or harmful? Helpful because I can keep it in mind to do things differently next time or Harmful because in remembering situations like this can bitter relationships.

Thank you.

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